


Light Within The Darkness

by Kiri_Chan_Dess



Category: Senki Zesshou Symphogear
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, F/F, Implied/Referenced Suicide, PTSD, Poor baby she didn’t deserve any of the suffering she went through, References to Depression, Regret, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Self-Reflection, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:08:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27584540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiri_Chan_Dess/pseuds/Kiri_Chan_Dess
Summary: I feel that Kirika is a very unappreciated character in the Symphogear universe, she seems to be one of those characters whose outward actions don't match their insides.So a dark story for my favorite girl overcoming the hard challenge we know as regret, depression, and anxiety.
Relationships: Akatsuki Kirika/Tsukuyomi Shirabe
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	1. Anxiety - Breaking the heart of her loved ones

"Kirika missed school again!? That's the fourth time this week..." Maria rubbed her temples and regained her composer. Shirabe sat quietly across from her at the table. 

"She said she felt sick, and she's rarely gotten out of bed as well." 

"Huh? Is Kirika-Chan sick again?" Miku asked as she passed by the two Wielders with Hibiki at her side. All Shirabe could do was nod without looking at the ground. 

"Don't worry Shirabe-Chan! You know how Kirika-Chan is, she'll get back up no matter what!" Hibiki had that light of determination in her eyes that Shirabe used to be repelled by, but now was a better time than never to believe in Hibiki's words. 

"How about we make Kirika a healthy feast when we go back? Everyone else can come if its not contagious," 

"Okay! I'll make Kiri-Chan's favorite dishes for tonight then." Shirabe pumped her fists in her own reserved manner. 

All the girls made their way to the training room where Tsubasa, Chris, and Elfnein waited. They all made their greetings and went down while Miku stayed back with Elfnein as she wasn't a Gear User herself. She heard the noise of the door open, she looked towards the door to see Kirika walk in. 

"Kirika-Chan?"

"Hehee, sorry I'm late death..." She laughed nervously. Kirika seemed to be her normal self, but she was wearing a sweatshirt at the end of Summer? Miku also noticed that the glow in Kirika's usually electric green eyes was dimmer than usual. 

"I thought you were sick though,”

Kirika tried to hide her panic and laugh it off. She could definitely tell Miku was concerned about her even more.

“Ahh, ahh! I should go down to meet everyone death!” Kirika ran past the two and went in the elevator. Miku and Elfnein gave each other worried glances.

“Okay, everyone just wait another minute or two. Kirika-San just arrived and will join during practice.” Elfnein announced through the speaker’s. She couldn’t hear it, but everyone definitely made noises of confusion over the news. Kirika walked in and injected the LiNKER in herself and walked over to everyone awkwardly.

“Kiri-Chan, I thought you were sick...”

“Ah, I felt better suddenly death! So I decided on no slacking,”

“No good.” Maria said bluntly. Kirika seemed to lose all the colors in her face as Maria’s expression was more serious. “Kirika, you can’t come in while you’re sick and expect to train with everyone.”

“Oh come on! Is she joining us or not!?” Chris groaned in the background loudly.

“I can fight death. I already put on the dose of LiNKER anyway death,” Kirika pouted. Maria looked ready to protest again, but everyone seemed impatient already. She shook her head and sighed.

“Just don’t push yourself,”

“Gotcha death!”

Training went smoothly for the most part. It was two on two duels. Everyone seemed to excel in their own form, of combat. Kirika even seemed to be keeping up with everyone well enough. While the two were waiting for the next pairing and watching Hibiki and Tsubasa battle, Shirabe looked at Kirika’s hand. She grabbed it like they always did, but Kirika’s usually strong grip felt more... lifeless. Kirika herself seemed to be less peppy than she usually was as well.

“Hey, Kiri-Chan-“

“The winner of this matchup is Hibiki-San!” Shirabe flinched as she heard Elfnein announcing Hibiki’s victory against her fellow swordswoman Tsubasa.

“Seems like I got that battle I asked for a couple years ago,” Tsubasa remarked lifting herself up with her katana. “You’ve grown a lot Tachibana, I couldn’t have asked for a better person to wield Kanade’s Gungnir.” She said giving a small smile.

“Thank you so much Tsubasa-San!” Hibiki squeezed Tsubasa in a hard hug that was impossible to break out from.

“Geez, save it for when you get home!” Chris shouted. Hibiki laughed while Tsubasa blushed and cleared her throat and regained her composure. Everyone else had small laughs besides Kirika who would always snicker at Chris’s remarks, whether it be directed at her or someone else.

“Oh! Here’s an interesting pair! Shirabe-San versus Kirika-San!” The two girls looked at each other and nodded. They both walked (or in Shirabe’s case rolled with her gears odd feet) onto the battlefield. Shirabe stood ready with her yo-yo’s and saws hidden in her pigtail compartments, while Kirika held her scythe ready. After a while the two blades of Zababa began to clash with one another sending sparks everywhere. After losing her balance from Kirika tripping her with her scythe, Shirabe fell down and tangled herself in her yo-yo strings.

This was her chance. Kirika jumped up and connected the scythe to her left foot creating a sickle shaped blade, using her booster jets she gained more speed. She knew it was dangerous, but her aim is pretty good so she would land just 2 feet away from Shirabe which would be no big deal.

“Kiri-Chan Don’t!” Kirika’s eyes widened, she remembered that voice, the way Shirabe held her hands up that day, how limp and lifeless she felt in Kirika’s arms, how her soft skin ended right in the middle of her back.

“Sh-Shirabe... Shirabe...?” She remembered crying herself out of her Symphogear as Shirabe’s faded away with her empty body, every second of those thirteen minutes were when her problems got even worse. all because.

She was so stupid.

Before she knew it, She had landed her attack closer to Shirabe than she had expected. Her entire left pigtail piece was blasted to shards, just like that one damned day.

“I...”

“Kiri-Chan! What were you thinking!?”

“I’m sorry death...” Kirika couldn’t hold back her tears, she wished that Shirabe had never saved her that day... But seeing her that mad at her was the last thing she needed. She felt her throat close up as she tried to say something else, but it felt like her chest was locked tightly and not letting her get a breath.

“Kiri-Chan?” She couldn’t take it. Kirika tried getting away, away from everyone, away from Shirabe, just like back then in the FIS. She couldn’t stand thinking about how she nearly hurt Shirabe again, she couldn’t stand herself. But she couldn’t do anything with how her breathing was. She eventually casted away Igalima and fell to her knees trying to catch a breath again, but she could only see failure.

“Kirika!”

“Kirika-Chan!”

“Akatsuki!”

They all called out for her, why though.

“Kiri-Chan!!!”

She broke the heart of her dearest friend, yet again.


	2. It’s what the voices in her head tell her

“Kiri-Chan, you can’t just eat junk food with no nutritional value in place of normal meals.”

“I don’t WANT normal meals.” Kirika huffed. She didn’t know why she was being this stubborn to Shirabe of all people, she could make the grossest dish in the world to a delectable meal. But something repelled her. She got up from the table and went into the bathroom.

“Kiri-Chan!! You need to eat something!”

“I said... I DON’T WANT TO EAT DEATH!!!” She didn’t feel any sympathy, yelling felt like the only to convey what she wanted. “Just leave me alone. I’ll take a bath death,”

Shirabe stood at the door for a few more seconds then sighed. She looked at the meal she had prepared for the two of them, she was probably going to eat by herself again. She grabbed some tinfoil and wrapped it around Kirika’s plate of curry she had made. It had already been a week since Kirika had a major panic attack during training, she hadn’t smiled since. She was skipping school, not eating, and staying in her room on her phone all day. The girl who had once been as bright as the sun was nothing short of a dying star losing its light. As she opened the fridge she saw six other untouched dishes that were all made for Kirika.

“Kiri-Chan...” Shirabe slipped the curry next to the omelet from the day before, “What can I do to make you smile again?”

~~ Kirika sat in the bathtub filled with hot water. she didn’t remember what she had come in her for, but at least it was comforting at the most. She stared blankly at the rippling water move whenever she did. She exhaled through her nostrils and went underwater, the weird sensation of everything around her being muffled was even more calming. It was a bad idea for her to let her mind drift away from what she needed it to be on, but.... 

_“So you found this girl at dawn near Kyoto?”_

_“They said that there was no one in the site who had any idea of who she was, so her family was most likely taken in the bombing.” The men looked at the young girl, short haired, blonde, green eyes, no memories of her past whatsoever. “It also says that she’s a possible candidate for the Igalima that Ms.Sakurai has been discussing about along with the Shul Shagana.”  
_

_She looked up at the men timidly. The first male picked up a black X shaped hair ornament and clipped it to the girl’s left bang.  
  
_

_“A weapon that cuts, a young girl found at dawn...” The man wrote on a name tag pin and clipped it to the girl’s shirt. “Akatsuki Kirika will be your name from now on.”  
  
_

_‘Thats right death... That’s how I got my name. Akatsuki Kirika, estimated birthday to be April 13th, 2028. No one knows what my real birthday or name ever was and it’ll stay that way death.’_

_“It hurts death! Please stop!” Kirika pleaded in pain. The Doctor looked at the girl like she wasn’t worth more than a penny._

_“I’m the adult, and you’ll stay here until I tell you to leave!” The doctor grabbed on Kirika’s arm and yanked her back, she wouldn’t stop crying out no matter how much he told her to shut her trap. “If you won’t be quiet, then so be it you brat!” She was whipped by Mamu when she was disobedient during training along with others like Serena’s older sister Maria, and was hit hard by the cruel doctors, Kirika had her fair share of abuse in the White Orphanage and FIS. But this time she rebelled much stronger than she had before. Biting the doctors hand she used that opportunity to run out of the room as quickly as she could._

_Kirika didn’t know where to go. This place wasn’t a home. Home is where you’re happy with your mom and dad, not where your experimented on for years at end only to possibly die. But that was her only other choice._

_“I hate this death... I just wanna die death...” Kirika whimpered holding back her tears. She held her breath as she heard the muttering of guards most likely sent after her. Her hiding spot wasn’t half good as they found her immediately as they looked in the room she had hid in.  
_

_“The brat is persistent, I wish that we could dispose of her already... But-“_

“ _Just make me disappear already death! I don’t want to even be here anymore!”  
_

_“You and me both. But alas, you’re the only one left who can possibly wield Igalima,”_

_It was just an embarrassment to get Kirika and her fussy self to the testing room. She saw the red pendant in another man's hand, and a dosage of LiNKER. She tried running away yet again but was held in place despite her struggle._

_She couldn't tell anymore. What was her purpose in the first place even? She wasn't more than a test subject and an orphan. But Igalima had given her the purpose that she wished for those 5 years in that damned organization._

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you all enjoyed this story I decided to make out of the blue. Instead on working on IX I’m goofing off again lmao.
> 
> Well it’s 12:30 as I’m writing this so goodnight to all and look out for the next chapter of this sad tale


End file.
